So, what does it mean to be “clean?"
For those of you who follow my blog and some of my other internet-based projects, you know I have particular point of view when it comes to gay men, sex and responsible sexual health.
Lately, I’m finding something I don’t think is all that cool. While I appreciate that some of you will not agree with this post – I do feel it has to be said as well.
If you get laid, have sex, fuck or get fucked, suck or get sucked – however, you want to label it- you are at risk for an STD. As uncomfortable as it may sound, it’s the way it is. This resurgence of the word “clean” as a way to describe ourselves in profiles and CL postings is not only inaccurate, it implies that being sexual makes us "dirty." And, it builds on the fear and ignorance that gets in our way of developing a confident sexual self-identity.
A few thoughts for those who use the word “clean” in your profile: Don’t fool yourself. Most guys with an STD don’t even know they have one, and they are not out to infect you intentionally. The only sure way to know you don’t have anything requires work, honesty and a lot of attention to your own sexual awareness. Being tested is a great start, but is not a guarantee.
Yup that’s right. Testing alone isn’t a guarantee you are not going to have (or get) something. If you don’t want to be exposed to an STD, your options are solo play or sex only with men, who are only having sex with you exclusively AND who have been tested in sequence with you (tested when you first meet, tested 3 months later, etc.) to cover the period of time between possible exposure and infection – and that time period varies for each STD. Otherwise, at least some risk exists.
So maybe its time we stop asking if the guys we have sex with are “clean," and time to start asking ourselves if we are doing all we can do to keep ourselves healthy. In fact – I find that guys who combine routine comprehensive testing, treatment and talking to partners about STDs as a natural part of their sexual responsibility usually end up with less STDs than those who make judgments about guys who have them (or they think “could have one” ). All too frequently, the guy, who thinks being “clean” is an accurate way to describe the lack of STDs, has incomplete or inaccurate information about STDs. He is often the same guy who will get mad if he ends up with one.
If you really want to create a message in your profile that reinforces your desire to have a healthy sexual encounter think about including alternative ways to express it. Two statements that I have found useful include: “I test for STDs routinely – prefer men that do as well” or “Last tested for STD(and/or HIV) XX/XX/XX”. It's simple and gets the message across without judging others and without setting ourselves up to fail.