Recently new hunky Hollywood it-man Gerard Butler was quoted as saying that he had dated men, as well as women, in the past, supposedly from a 1994 interview with Movieline magazine. It turned out the quote was bogus, and while there is something interesting in the fact that it happened to come out RIGHT while he was promoting his new romantic comedy, what really interested me was the reactions on gay blogs when the news broke. Peppered within typical variations of “I’d hit that” and musing about the “300” hottie’s body was something I hadn’t really thought existed… true bisexual bigotry.
What started as a standard dialogue regarding the questionable heterosexuality of Hollywood’s leading men (a common gay man’s pastime) quickly turned into a pretty heated, and nasty, debate on the truth of bisexuality in general. From the old thought that bisexuality is just a layover on the way to gay-town, to rage-full rants on the convenience of the life of the bisexual. That they get all the dick they want on the side, but when it comes to public fronts, they get to play straight and be part of “regular” society. And then a very emotional response, which really got the words flying, from a bisexual man who rarely “outs” himself as bisexual as he had been completely abandoned by all of his gay friends when he started dating a woman after a years-long relationship with a man ended. All of this got me thinking… do I really believe in bisexuality?
I, like most homosexuals, tried unsuccessfully to convince myself I was straight when I was young. I never seemed to find the right girl, blah blah blah… but when I finally dealt with being gay myself… well, there was no turning back. Women, at least as sexual objects, no longer existed. So, when I would run into some questionably straight guys, some of which I hooked up with, my thought was simple… these dudes were just starting their own coming out. And of course, it became a pastime of mine to gossip about these “straight” boys and their flirty, if not outwardly sexual, ways with my gay pals. And more often than not, there was always a bent to these conversations, a touch of negativity in which we, the “oppressed” gay men, would dissect their actions amongst eye rolls and that ridiculous rationale… ‘I was so drunk.”
So are these guys bisexual? Maybe… and maybe not. I think of a “real” bisexual as someone that has sex and full on-dates members of both sexes. So what does that say about the men, some on this site, that label themselves “bisexual” or “curious” while they live lives with women? Well it seems there are many gay men out that just can’t stomach this. While we continue to fight for the legal right to get married, while we continue pray for a day when homosexuals need not worry about being bashed, beaten, or killed just because of it… a married man or guy with a girlfriend can have the face of the “regular” life while he can now and then go out to the bar, bookstore, rest stop, etc. to get himself plowed or suck a little dick. I do see the cop-out in this type of lifestyle. I faced my family, I faced my friends, and in coming out I really ultimately faced ME. And the strength I get from overcoming that personal difficulty is truly remarkable. But that’s me.
When I hear that some truly bisexual men identify publicly as gay because THEY will not be truly accepted into a gay “fold” as they are questioned, dismissed, and treated with malice I pause. Is that how I feel? Didn’t I ask all my family and friends to accept me as I am? I really like to think that I am a “live and let live” kind of guy as I myself have been sidelined because of who I want to have sex with. Is my sexuality somehow more deserving of respect because I “picked a side?” And really, wouldn’t the ultimate sexual utopia have a ‘so what” attitude to sexuality of all sorts, as long as it’s not hurting anyone? One in which straight men can share a hug, a kiss, or even hang out shirtless with gay pals at the homo sports bar and not be questioned? Maybe that guy doesn’t give a shit. And what would be really awful about another guy going out and hooking up with guys one night and then having a date with a woman another night? And if you believe in the Kinsey scale, wouldn’t it make sense that everyone has their own unique balance of their chick to dick interest? With the debate really stemming from our complicated sexual oppression?
It’s curious… for sure. And frankly, regardless of Butler’s real sexuality, wouldn’t it be nice to have a few top Hollywood hunks that actually could be open publicly about their homosexual and heterosexual lives so that WE could dream about them in that way. (Not that we don’t anyhow… ) But all kidding aside, Gerard if you’re reading this, you can have all the pussy you want on the side… I don’t’ care. But call me… because I’d totally hit that.