Gay Daddy & Bear Blog: Age Appropriate

Did you know that in some states you can go to jail for not disclosing your HIV status? There are laws, in 32 states no less, that have been built on stigma and fear and allow for people, like Nick Rhoades, to be sent to jail. Rhoades was sent to prison for not disclosing his HIV+ status to a one-time partner, even though he used a condom and his viral load was, at the time, undetectable. Said partner was never infected and yet Rhoades' life was turned completely upside down. CNN has the full story which I urge you to read.

I recently worked with the Sero Project, a nonprofit whose focus is to end inappropriate criminal prosecutions of people with HIV for non-disclosure of their HIV status, potential or perceived HIV exposure or HIV transmission, among other things. Their site is a resource center that is not only combatting stigma and fear based laws, but protecting those that it need it most. They've got a useful map on their homepage so you can find out what your states statues are and show you how to take action to help get them removed.

I fear that this is something that not many people are/were aware of. I know I wasn't. But I'm glad it's starting to get the attention it deserves.

How many of you knew about these laws?

Over on the AARP's site, they've put together a list of tips for gay men over 50 looking to date. All are pretty spot on, especially the part about ageism and valuing your age and applying those lessons learned into better decision making. Oddly enough, these dating tips can really apply to any age:

1. Confront your fears
2. Embrace your new reality
3. Pick your meet 'n' greet venues wisely
4. Be self-aware, not rigid
5. Realize you can be single and happy

Granted, #3 is reliant upon knowing yourself, something that really only comes with age and experience. #2 could really apply to any reality, whether you're new to the dating scene or, like they say in the article, "have been there done that". Authenticity and acceptance are really the key to any happy human, and when you're able to embrace those things (i.e. be content with with being yourself) the rest seems to fall into place. All too often we put too much pressure on the things we want most in life, which for many gay men is a partner (be it sexual or life long). The gay community doesn't make things any easier, but that doesn't mean the cycle of negative thinking and behavior can't be broken. Being confident with who you are and what you want, is something gay men take note of (whether they admit it or not), and often times will pass it on. There's nothing more comforting then knowing that you can be 100% yourself and be 100% successful at life.

Drinks. Dinner. Transactional conversations of what you do, where you grew up, what you like, blah, yada, blah. If this sounds like your typical first date, you're not alone. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like first dates have gotten stale. Whether it's from playing it safe or trying to keep your enthusiasm in check, it seems that these days most first dates just go through the motions. Don't get me wrong, drinks are always a safe and trusted first outing for getting to know someone. This is especially true when the date is going nowhere and you're able to excuse yourself after the second round. But all too often these dates can feel scripted and stale. Which is why I'm putting an initiative out there to start getting creative with first dates and start making them more of an experience. Some of the greatest dates I've been on are ones that are active, adventurous, and best of all unpredictable. If you're the planner, there may be some hesitation in putting effort into a first date (oh the games we play), but something as simple as going to the batting cages or checking out a new art gallery can shake things up without creating too much fanfare. What makes these types of dates so great is that they allow you to concentrate on more than just making yourself sound interesting and create ample ideas that lead to stimulating and insightful conversations about one another.

So we want to know, whether it worked out or not, what's the best first date you've ever been on? Let's share our stories and inspire each other with new ideas to spice up dating. If all goes...

There's nothing better than being on the beach with hundreds of hot men folk. Though one could argue it gets a little bit better when you add in music and drinks that come in buckets! It was just a few years ago that I experienced my first Sandblast weekend. in Asbury Park, NJ, and I've been going back every year since, mainly because Asbury has climbed fairly quickly up the ranks as one of my favorite summer getaways. It's a great mix of the best parts of Jersey Shore (yes, there are plenty of best parts) and gay destinations like Provincetown and Fire Island without being overpopulated. They've been working hard down there to get things up and running, and they're well on their way at this point. In fact, one of the reasons Road Trip weekend and the Sandblast beach party exist, was to get gays down to the town to see how much fun AP can be.

MISTER is going to have a great presence this year (July 20-22) and we're super excited about our involvement which includes sponsoring the volleyball game on Friday from 2-5pm, the Underwear party on Saturday from 1-5am, and the pool party and tea dance on Sunday from 11am-8pm. We've got some really fun stuff planned so come on down!

I'll be there, along with a few others from the DH/MISTER crew, so if you see us out and about be sure to say hello and save us a dance!...