Much Too Old

April 14, 2009
Category: Dating

I saw a photo of a particularly attractive young man on a gay dating site, and I sent him a brief message saying I found his photos attractive and his profile appealing. He responded in a polite, friendly manner, and after some exchanged messages, he agreed to join me for dinner. Before we hung up he informed me that I am “much too old” for him to consider dating me, but he was interested in me for other reasons. When he arrived we discovered that we share the same alma mater, although he had only just graduated from UC Berkeley, and I graduated in 1975, several years before he was born as it happened, and we also had other common interests. After some polite conversation I felt obligated to inform the youngster that men my age (55) don't consider themselves much too old for anything.  He barely remembered the remark he had made on the phone and seemed embarrassed to have it repeated while sitting in my presence, and I gently told him that I was not much offended, and that young men frequently say insensitive things without even realizing they might be giving offense.

For example, I enjoy a compliment as much as anyone, and when a younger man tells me I'm “hot” or “in great shape,“ I feel a warm glow inside. However, when the young man adds the qualifier, “for your age,” I feel somewhat less complimented. For you youngsters out there who want to make your daddy smile, do, indeed, tell him he looks hot or attractive, but never, ever add the qualifier “for your age.” A man is either hot or not, so leave it at that. I personally think I'm more attractive at my present age than I was for most of my previous adult life, so that particular qualifier is especially galling to me. I was one of those younger men who preferred the company of older men myself, and I'm fairly certain I must have said some pretty stupid things to my older lovers at one time or another. Fortunately, age confers the advantage of failing or at least selective memory, so I cannot remember the comments that would surely make me blush with shame now, if I could remember them.

I do think I might be much too old to date men who view age as a liability rather than as an advantage. I have traveled and lived for a time in the Middle East, and one especially enjoyable aspect of socializing with gay men in that part of the world is their greater appreciation for the wisdom and experience older men at their best possess. Middle-eastern men in general seem to treat older men with as much deference and respect as many gay men in the U.S. treat them with disdain and derision, or worse, indifference. I wish I could say this only applies to very young men, but a brief glance over profiles of men over 50 on DaddyHunt.com will show how many impose an upper age limit of 40 on men they seek to date. I am the first to defend any man's right to seek what he wants, however absurd it may seem to me, but what future is possible for a lover who has the misfortune of turning 41 when partnered with a man who only wants lovers 40 or younger? I suppose he just gets shuffled into the ranks of the rest of us who are “much too old,” at least for some.

I used to have a rule about not dating any man younger than 30, but when a psychic told me my true love would be “much younger” than I am, I decided to relax this rule and keep an open mind. After all, it is maturity that I value rather than mere chronological age. And I do enjoy the exuberance of younger men, their puppy-like playfulness and endearing illusions of an infinite future with limitless possibilities. I see so many older men who give up on love and settle for a charming pet, a circle of friends, and good video equipment. I never thought I would be one of them. I can't honestly say I no longer believe in love, but I realize I'm mostly content to let it find me, or not, instead of looking for it. In the meantime I'll caress the dog while watching a new movie on the high-definition television with an old friend.

Tags: Relationships, Dating Tips, Aging, Communication
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Post written by William Schindler (View Author Profile)
About this author: William Schindler, a.k.a., Brother William, founder and Spiritual Director of Ashram West, obtained a B.A. in Sanskrit from UC Berkeley (1975), where he also studied Hindi and Bengali, and a Master's degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University (1986). He has been studying and practicing traditional Hindu Tantra since 1969...
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Comments

Man you hit that nail nice and hard. Enjoyed reading your thoughts.

Peter

Man you hit that nail nice and hard. <a href=http://exefilez.com>Enjoyed</a> reading your thoughts.

I recently met my soulmate 4 months ago. I am in my early forties he is in his late sixties. He is my parent's age! I never dreamed I would be attracted to anyone his age but find him sexy as hell ! We have many of the same interest and I find him to be so easy to talk I feel like I've known him my whole life ! The sex is the best I've ever had ! One of the first comments I made to him was I don't typically date men your age I really felt bad after I said it and have finally came to the conclusion that age is just a number! Hell I can hardly keep up with him!

good discussion.

love happens between men of varying ages everyday. As a college professor (research, psychiatry), Columbia U alum/teaching, 55 years old, and as a NYC area resident, I run into younger men everyday. it is interesting to realize all of the crushes younger men have on me as I am easy to confide in. My issue with younger men is that it is all too easy for me to manipulative the seductiveness. There is a power differential that I dont feel like exploiting, so I do not get involved with men much younger than 30 years (at this time...lol).

My whole issue is how to respond to men in their 70s who routinely send me shouts online! Younger men are a breeze to deal with but as we live longer who thought of dating men in their 70s. I look to see their life views (no republicans of course), some geographic nogos..I have no interest in Florida, Georgia, Texas... I look for a joy of life! Some of the sexiest men I have chatted with online are studs in their late 60s!

all of these age issues are in constant flux of course. All of a sudden, I am over 50 which is in itself a whole other lens changer. Being over 50 years, I feel I have achieved longevity and not too concerned with so many of the usual stuff younger men are caught up in. I wear what I want, express my thoughts with a historical and intellectual certainty just from the experiential awareness of how society has changed. There is a whole gap that I feel ultimately with guys 20 or 30 years younger than me. I dont have that for men older than me. I generally find most of the men I like older than me are in long term relationships and I am ultimately not interested in just a casual sex thing.

I have been in love but i am also a survivor of the AIDS plague. Everyone of my buddies from the 1970s and most of my contemporaries from the 1980s died before the advent of the new meds in the 1990s. So I am just amazed that I am HIV negative and living with the memories of over 3000 buddies. My favorite men all died. I have never been entirely single, having a partner or then a regular date(s) my entire adult life.

I am a NYC flaneur so I dont stay home with a pet, my tv is broken, and I like being out of the house to socialize. I have always been involved in what's up at the time. In the 1970s, I was in NY, SF, Provincetown, a gogo boy and part of the whole gay revolution. Into the 1980s, I was a Saint/Garage/Palladium club goer; then spent most of my free time in Berlin, Amsterdam, Zurich and Paris as I had the friends to visit and money to travel often. in the 1990s, I was so involved in NYC life... working with the homeless, people with AIDS, and in my personal life, somedays up to 15 men would phone me in a day. It is in the last few years time to mostly teach/read/think and the realization that there is always another man (in the elevator, around the corner...) when I hear "too old" "or too young" or "not Black" or "not enough money for me". And that is what I generally tell men of every age who complain about rejection.

I am alive, engaged, and enjoying life's adventures! My favorite friends who changed our universe are all dead, young. Young men have a seductiveness but I have seen thousands burn out, go Republican, get wierd. These days I am beyond thrilled that we have a President Obama who will give gays a lot! So, if someone doesnt want to know about me.. who cares! I have a life is a needed mantra!

hugs, peace, compassion

Your hateful bigotry has been duly noted!

Your hateful bigotry has been duly <a href=http://ebs-software.net>noted</a> !

HAHAHA I found your writing mostly laughable, but then it turned to hillarity when I read that you think that Obama will 'give gays a lot'. hahaha What makes you think that that megalomaniac will give you anything? Thats the problem with most people that voted for that inexperienced clod, you all expect people to 'give you something' rather than finding, doing, and making for yourselves. B. Hussein Obama is one of the worst things to ever happen to this country.

Do your country a favor - LEAVE. President Obama isn't the worst thing to happen to the USA .... people like YOU are. Good-bye, good luck.

Amen to that brother!

I think you are delusional.....going from that idiot W and his band of incompetents to a transformational leader to bring us out of the hell of the past 8 years.....the evidence is overwhelming and you don't see it? There is no limit to how stupid you seem to be....

Very nice discussion. I think intelligence is sexy. As a Johns Hopkins-educated physician, I think I can relate to many of your experiences, but that might just be projection or wishful thinking.

Best,

Charlie

Imagine how a 35 year old feels when a 50 year old tells him that he doesn't date anyone older than 32...Tactlessness is not exclusive to an age range but at least the young one's have the excuse of stupidity.

Damn bud...you hit the nail on the head. I read this blog and my first thought was that I've been nailed with ignorant and thoughtless comments from men of all ages. The more limits we put on ourselves, the smaller cage we force ourselves to live in. I'm 49, and the most important thing to me is a man's heart and mind. Finding a partner that is supportive, loving, respectful, a best friend, someone who will stand by you even when you're an asshole, and at the end of the day make love with or fuck your brains out, is an elusive but attainable goal. Put the walls down, keep the heart open and hopefully if you're lucky, a good, lasting and genuine love will come into your life.

Great post, but a sad thing you decided to date younger men just because a Psychic told you...
I am 26, and I think you are really hot, btw.

Sorry William, smacks of hypocrisy to me: you somehow think that deciding who you'll date based on age, is worse than deciding based on a psychic... an then, the icing on the cake... you tell us you used to do exactly the same until the psychic told you not to.

If I were the younger man, here, I'd consider it a damned cheek that you have the nerve to criticise his position/attitude.

Clive
(42, attracted to youngr, and NOT remotely offended when they tell me I'm too old, any more than if they tell me they prefer blonds.)

It's called irony, not hypocrisy, Clive, but thank you for sharing your ideas. My intent was to soften the curmudgeon's gripe with some self-deprecating humor and provide some balance.

Picard here.

It's even worse when you are 60 and older.

Age discrimination is running rampant in the human resources industry for those who are currently unemployed. It's HR's dirty little secret and harder to prove than age/race discrimination.

In US gay culture youth and beauty call the shots. Those of us who haven't spent our lives in a gym and spa seem to be no more than refuse to be quickly and quietly disposed of.

Sometimes I have an ED issue but that does not make me a candidate for total bottom. The young ones think if you can't get it up 24/7 you're nothing but a fuck hole.

Young Gay Americans need to reexamined their attitudes towards their seniors. The ones I am attracted to wouldn't even piss on me if I were on fire. Some day they will be middle aged and suffer the sting of discrimination.

I have plenty to offer (not financially) to a younger fellow. I am hoping some day he will find me since I can't seem to find him.

Picard out......

I agree with picard in some ways...the older one gets the less they become attractive to even our own age group...People seem to look for beauty on the outside instead of looking for what a person has to offer on the inside....beauty fades but the soul lasts forever.... i kow this seems a bit well for lack of a better word SAPPY...but its how i feel...get to know the total person and not the outer pkg...people are missing some really wonderful guys becase the don't fit the "LOOKS and SIZE" department. I myself care what is in a persons heart than more what is in there pants. ALL the rest is just window dressing.

Gives new meaning to the words " your ugly and your mothher dresses you funny does it not"?
I mean the window dressing might be nice but what a man's heart holds is always better than the overall package of window dressing because looks much like flowers will fade with time but a good heart will survive many years of use !

I longed for the comapssion of an older man and even to it tool me those odd 20 some thing years to find him I have never had a seriously uhappy day in our 23 years as a couple .
I began my searching back in high school ( yes even tho I was that young I had already decided that the benefits of having an older man as a mate would always over shadow the needs of those my own age ) .
Now it's not to say that I did not enjoy sampling the wares of those " boys " that would consider me as a sugar daddy along the way but I didn't want to be just a sugar daddy to them I wanted more !
I sure am glad I stuck to my guns on the fact that I was truly searching for my Mr. Right ( the older man I had always saught ) .
Now that I am getting into my gay golden years it's comforting to have had the same man beside me thru all the myrid issues of aging ie: mainly health issues for the both of us and his quadruple bypasssurgery and my own diagnosis of HIV .
Yet this 64year old man ( as compared to myself now being 49 years we are both young in our minds) has never faultered in his love and care for me as I have him as well and it's now to the point of acceptance that both our families have combined into one rather large nuclear family that accept's us with out fail no matter what ths situation but then us having been together this long I guess it just goes to show that we intend to stay together no matter what society throws at us .
So in other words age might be a big detractor for some of these newbies to the gay life those of us that are well seasoned know that they too will one day become just as we are and will have to endure the very same things they said that we were or are to them so to all you boys ( even bois ( now who came up with that big faux pas of spelling ?)) just choose your words carefully when not considering a man that could be old enough to be your father because one never knows does one that he just could be you one day and that day might hust come sooner than ya think !

"Hot, for your age..." is much the same as "For a fat girl you don't smell too much", William. In an ageist culture I find the best strategy to be "I'll tell you my age when I'm sure it doesn't matter to you." A classy dude of any age takes the hint and doesn't push the issue - others who discriminate however will whine and won't let it go. Anyhow the genuine dudes who intend getting it on often don't even bother asking - one of my fave dates hasn't asked in almost three years lol

Age really IS a big issue for gay men and the advent of gay dating sites underscores the depth of intolerance towards older men from all generations of gay men. It doesn't have much to do with attraction choices either: it's often out-and-out dismissal of a human being based on a number. Kinda like fourteen year-old schoolgirls going "ewww" at their parents. And it's not a winning strategy either: I keep running into guys in their early twenties who are in the same boat as many "seniors" - they also haven't had a fuck in months. Dismissed for being too young or too fat or too skinny or too fem or some other shit.

As alleged sexual mavericks we really need to get over it, and quick. I think there are a lot more younger guys looking seriously at older men lately, but they also cop derision from the many age Nazis who turn their noses up at men over 35, but would happily suck off George Clooney. (And probably ask him to autograph a $5 bill for framing.) Older dudes can make it work better for themselves - and everybody else - by showing respect regardless of age, and expecting it returned. We certainly don't acquire high self-esteem by buying into attitudes and behavior which are all about the opposite.

Personally I find it unattractive for older men to be age apologists who fawn over younger men for no other reason than their birth certificate...all the while peddling cliched crap about wisdom and "fine aged wine".

Hot for my age? Hell, I reserve the right to be lousy in the sack, avoid the gym and be a complete idiot at times!

ps The best dentist I ever had was recommended by a psychic, and I'll be sure to ask for gay Dating Attitude Adjustment tips next time I go...hey wotever works!

I am pretty sure he did not guessed due to his inexistent powers.

Age, Sexual preference, Top/Bottom, Smoking, Image, where on Earth does all this stop???????
Have The Community forgot we are Human and not a Demographic????????
After reading the blog and resulting posts, i had to ask, and, there is more than one question on my mind. Should i contribte to the discussion and risk enraging someone with an opinion, perhaps not writing anything will magically make me exempt form discrimination, maybe i am so special that it does not apply to me because my opinion is always right???????

And if by psychic, or any other way, who is any individual human to question or judge the course of another, and regardless the subject matter, give the man a hand for getting you all thinking, something we all forgot how to do whist chasing our lifestyles and defining who we are.

We all say and do things to define ourselves, the skill is not to stand still, but to keep going forward............learning, evolving, and most importantly.............ask questions of ourselves!!!!! There is no such thing as a complete picture.

Anyone can point fingers and lay blame, and YOU, reading these words, are not guiltless by any strech of the imagination.

BUT!!!!!!!! Maybe, just maybe, by listening to the views of other, you may well make your own life better??????????

Much like that old adage of ''opinions are like noses ( sorry boys I have using vanacular terms when not warranted ) every one has one !
And just because some one doesn't have the same views that no reason to discount their thoughts it might have been because of the way they were reared ( you raise cattle you rear children ) so much so that it could just be ingrained within their psyche to dismiss some one else's point of view becasue it simply does not match your own way of thinking ( viewing ) a certain situation .

But I don't rear children. I prefer to rear guys my own age.

I am throughly enjoying reading this tread. As a reformed hetro with only a couple of years experience in gay--ly-wood, I can not speak from great experience. But am glad that age has never been an issue for me either older or younger. The two best lovers I ever shared a bed with were 82y/o and 27y/o respectively. Amazingly enough they both understood that wonderful sex is a matter of giving of themselves ... total surrender to mutual joy and pleasure. Guys who want "just a fuck" are not limited to older or younger. And they are the unfortunate ones.

Sadder even than age discrimination is the extremely high proportion of gay guys who do want "just a fuck". I do admit that I have been there, done that. But then I found love and realised that not just settling for, but deliberately and exclusively seeking casual sex is such a shallow, soulless existence. And where does it lead except to a lonely old age? Sex with love is 1000 times better but I'd be surprised if more than 2% of gay guys - at least on internet dating sites - are looking for a LTR. It's up to them of course. But there's little action on these sites for the likes of me who are looking for long term friendship that may lead to a relationship. Indeed one guy who contacted me for a casual meet even said I should delete my profile so that guys like him wouldn't be wasting their time contacting me!

We all Need to GET OVER IT ALL>> !! Age, Color, Dick Size , Top Bottom, F#@k This F@#k That >. Just do what get's anyone going.. Mental, Physical touch. ...
Just Keep in mind we all change , get old and die..

I too am enjoying this thread. Very very thoughtful and provocative comments! Thanks to all.

Interesting article. how would you feel about dating a 70 years old?

Feel about it I'm nearly there .
And if feels WONDERFUL !

How does one define "too old"? One foot in the grave? On Social Security? Hmmm...

Lemme see now..too old, too old. 62? Nah...and man was he GOOD! 63? Nah, great kisser he was. 58? Nope, not him either.

Maybe for this guy in particular, older is a turn-off perchance he's thinking he doesn't want to have sex with his grand-pa.

Even at 45 I'm still attracted to older guys. What's too old for me? I can't give a clear definition to that question really. It would depend on the fella and pardon my shallowness, if he looks good for his age. Some people naturally age better than others.

AMEN to those words !

Gosh, is it any wonder we got the Royal title of Queens? What Mr Schindler said was that his psychic "saw" a much younger man as a possibility in his life, and he therefore decided to "keep an open mind" on age; of his own age and the age(s) of his potential partners. Schindler's Lust seems quite free of discrimination. As a man of 60, who is usually guessed to be 48 or so, I must say I don't care whether the "for your age" comes into the bargain or not. If you're excruciatingly well-mannered, you never tell a woman that her dress is beautiful, but that it's "a beautiful dress, and you look lovely in it." However, most women will take the compliment about the dress, giving you credit for meaning "how lovely she looks", and probably not lose any sleep over it. People, manners, and language are all perfectly, uh, imperfect. Don't take a compliment, however poorly expressed, as a slight, for gods' sake. We can all summon up a proper insult if that's what's intended, and nobody mistakes that for anything but what it is - cruelty. It's the basis of all comedy, after all.
I should add that I am currently dating a man who is twenty-one and a man who is seventy-four. And they each have the qualities of all boys and all men. The packaging is pretty much the same. Especially in the dark. Now, what was that about "sucking off George Clooney"? He's mine, you bitch!
Touch him, and I cut you!

If someone says you look great for your age chances are there was no malice intended, the only malice is in your perception not in the speaker's intentions. Haven't you ever been misunderstood, and somewhat shocked at the listener's interpretation of what you thought were benign words?

You think you will be happier when people stop being 'insensitive' but people will always say things which you find are 'insensitive' to you way of thinking, because only YOU have your way of thinking. You'll only be happier when you stop focusing on the insensitivity and accept that not everyone has the same sense of motivation or even semantics as you. You're clearly mindful of your age, let it go and allow yourself to be "hot for 55" without needing to be anything else. It's still a lovely compliment! And if that photo up there is of you......hullo Daddy!

SOMETHING FOR EVERY ONE.

I have a special preference for mature men, but considere oportune to say than always there is something for every one.

There is no problem if you are "too young", "too old", "too slim", "too fat", black, white, tall, small, phisical defects, white or black hair, mustache, location, culture, proffesion, likes, dislikes, interests, occupation.....etc.....etc...

Always someone would like to meet you, and is interested with you. FEEL GOOD AS YOU ARE!!

"The PERFECTION mith, is not any more than a human mistake, for that reason, while we more belive to become to be perfect, more mistaken we are"

HUGS FOR ALL!

Victorino,
Guatemala.

Interesting discussion. As someone who prefers to date men older than myself, I would like to point out that having things in common and life experience are sometimes harder to find in trans-generational relationships. I do have a loosely defined age range for guys I'd like to date, simply because going too far past my own generation will leave us with fewer common experiences, and thus less to talk about. This is not to say an interesting man who is outside my preferred age range is not going to get a chance. (Lord knows, I've got some less-than-ideal aspects too, and appreciate when someone overlooks them long enough to give me a shot!) But it can mean that I've got less interest in a man because unless our non-sexual interests have a pretty sizable overlap, there can be a failure to connect that is in part due to age differences.

Generally speaking, this isn't a deal-breaker, but it is a point of concern and not addressing it when it comes up seems short-sighted.

If someone says to me that I'm "much too old" for him, I exchange a few more pleasantries and then end the conversation. Period.

I think younger men are lovely but when they're downright rude, I don't bother.

One of the things that makes younger men so self-centered is that people like the author of this post will still take them to dinner after they've said something inappropriate. Maybe some of us need to stop enabling stupid behavior like this no matter what our psychics tell us to do.

Am I the only one who has noticed that most of the guys who complain that younger guys won't "give them a chance" aren't interested in anyone near their own age? If you wouldn't date someone like you, why would anyone else. I know we all like what we like. But if someone isn't interested in you because of your age or race or hair color or weight or anything else, why waste your time? For everyone who likes something there's someone else for whom that very same thing is a deal-breaker.

"Am I the only one who has noticed that most of the guys who complain that younger guys won't "give them a chance" aren't interested in anyone near their own age? If you wouldn't date someone like you, why would anyone else"

Amen brother! So true.....and I am guilty as they come in this department. I think I went from being a chicken (as we called it back in the day) into a chicken hawk. Never left. I have been out with all ages but never could get turned on by someone much older. Not sure why. I never could figure out why I was not EVER attracted to women either...and frankly I don't try to understand anymore.

I am a retired attorney at 60 years of age. I had a lover for 15 years who was 14 years younger than I was. We would have been together for the rest of our lives except for his untimely death. That was 7 years ago. Since then I have found dating very difficult. I am attracted to a certain body type. It does not have to be young, but it is a type. I guess if we didn't have types, then we could choose a woman. My type is the average to slender guy, intelligent and sexually liberated. I liked to do it all. I happen to be of Western European heritage, but I am open to men of all races, provided I find them attractive. I have found some men that were ten years older than me very attractive, but generally I find the younger ones more attractive in that special way. However, younger only means younger than me and that is not a requirement. I have found some men between 35 and 60 and up to be really hot. Like I said, it is a certain sexiness that attracts me sexually. I find all men facinating regardless of looks based on intelligence and personality. I will say this, I generally find the real young guys, 18 to 25 very cute, but not worth the trouble as they don't know who they are, could care less about sharing mutual pleasure and can't carry on a conversation. I try not to prejudge them, but as a friend of mine explained, You are just trying to expect too much from them. You can't get 50 years of wisdom and experience in an 18 year old body or mind. Yet, I would like to talk to them and just be friends. To them that means buy them drinks, spend money on them or worship their looks. I have been to bed with some beautiful people and mostly is was more about them than about us being satisfied. But I keep an open mind, I just wish they would. Most don't even want to talk to me. I am driven out to seek the intimacy of male companionship and physical closeness even if there is no sex. They just seem to go from one orgasm to the next and never stop to smell the flowers along the way. They never take time to cultivate their garden, they more on to the next garden.

I can't believe how insightful your comment was to me. So true what you said. It really isn't so much about age but about body type. I can recall dating some guys all my friends thought were "hideous" while I worshiped them. Eye of the beholder I guess. I too long for male companionship. I was in a 15 year relationship that while not perfect was far better than being alone this past year. I have had sex once in that time. It was with somebody half my age and he's now gone back home to south america now that he finsihed school. The experience was good, but all it did was make me long for that touch, that look, that admiration that comes from someone who genuinely "digs" you. I am 45 year old professional who considers himself quite good looking based on what I see in the mirror....then again..you have to consider my taste in the hideous (LOL). I find that I can attract younger guys (my preference) in public but never online. I think this is due to my youthful appearance. I always get a kick out of dating someone younger than me and them treating me like I am younger than them! I shut up...as it's the most flattering thing anyone can say or do.

As for this thread, I love it and haven't even finished it yet. I want to say more but will later on. Take care of yourself Lawyer dude.... Hope you find that body you deserve!

William has posted a well-written and well-thought-out piece. It's enjoyable to read the work of a man who can string his sentences and his thinking together as well as this.

We have to face certain facts that we are conditioned to be attracted to certainly physical types, which includes age, height, race, and a lot of other variables.

One of the advantages of this site is that age is not a factor. I have tried to meet men on other sites that don't even feature age range as a possibility for finding a partner, so it is always a stab in the dark. Maybe this 50-year-old or that 38-year-old wants somebody his own age, younger or older, but it is never even mentioned as part of the profile.

I took a try at meeting somebody on one of those sites. He was 45 to my 61, which is not a huge gap, but, granted, there is one nonetheless. In our initial e-mail exchanges, he indicated to me that I was "too old" for him. He thought that maybe we might be able to become platonic friends.

I was willing to accept that and see what happened when we met, which we finally did a few weeks later. He invited me to his apartment, where we chatted for about an hour; he had explained he was very busy with work and that it needed to be only a short meeting.

During that time, I could sense the chemistry between us, and I KNEW that it was mutual. (I am very sensitive to this.) In any event, I respected that his time was limited, so didn't make a nuisance of myself and prepared to leave. Just before we parted, I reached over to give him a friendly parting hug. Surprisingly, he held me tightly and was resistent to letting go. It was NOT a polite good-bye-see-ya-sometime hug.

It surprised me, in that I felt passion coming from him, though he had earlier told me that I was "too old" for him. I left his place both happy and hopeful.

Not wanting to seem over-anxious, and still being respectful of his heavy workload at the time, I waited four or five days to call him. When I did, he told me that he was still busy and that he would call me the following week.

I never heard from him again.

Maybe some of us spend too much time trying to figure out why things happen the way they do. In this case, it didn't make sense trying to determine with this man what had happened in a relationship that we didn't even have. So I figured it out myself via the same inner feeling that told me there was, indeed, mutual attraction between us:

His mind was made up about age - what was too young, what was too old, and what was, like Goldilocks' porridge, just right. His heart, which was feeling its twitches and wanting to pull him in my direction, was in conflict with his mind, which had already been determined.

It was a classic battle of thinking vs. feeling. In his case, he sided with his head instead of with his heart.

sorry this happened to you--I don't even get this far--haven't for years--The guys are all in the closet around here and tied to family and work and even tho they want a guy in their profile, they won't meet--

i am a 34 year old man who has always prefered the company love and fun of men older than me, one of my best mates ( and one of the sexiest men ) is 66 years old. we have always had this long running joke that i myself fill like i am the one trying to keep up with him. he once asked me what i see in him, my reply was simple its rare to meet people who are so ultimatly comfortable in there own skin and i think that is sexier than any kink or fetish which i like dabbling in. Im 34 and i have lived lots of years in my life and i dont believe its the age it states on your drivers licence or passport that counts its the age you fill in your spirit your mind and soul that is real. so many people are missing out on genuine connections, love mateship friendship and the ability to learn and grow with another human being because they put such an importance on age. i believe the people that do this are the ones hunting for a pension when society states thats the age you should be.
the most important people in my life yeah they all have an age buts its never discussed not because they or i dont want to but because its never been an issue and never will be. surround your self with people who u can learn from and they inturn will learn from you.
and lastley the writer at the start of this thread William Schindler if i were to see you in a room or a bar or service station you would know that this lad thinks your propably one of the hottest men i have seen with my reaction, now i have read what you have written propably one of the most genuine people about
love and respect to you for starting this forum of dialouge

gav edmunds..... lad4/24/7dad

You are a very very poor speller, bordering on illiterate.

Why?......discutions here are to take new experiences and share some from us.
Is not important to make something "too special"......

His letter is quite literate and a positive contribution to the discussion. A few mispelled words may mean he's A) lousy typist B) was getting head while responding C) a bad speller, so what?
On the other hand you are a curmudgeon with nothing to offer except your humorless judgemental trash.

One more thing, why don't you tell the full story? You've always prefered older men because they have money and give you a life style you could never afford on your own (i.e you use them). You're first name starts with M, and your 'mate's' first name starts with P.