Daddyhunt Blog Posts from June 2009

June 26, 2009
Category: Relationships

….And when I thought how my dear friend my lover was
    on his way coming,  O then I was happy,
O then each breath tasted sweeter, and all that day my food
    nourish’d me more, and the beautiful day pass’d well,
And the next came with equal joy, and with the
    next at evening came my friend,
And that night while all was still I heard the waters roll
    slowly continually up the shores,
I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and sands as
    directed to me whispering to congratulate me,
For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same
    cover in the cool night,
In the stillness in the autumn moonbeams his face was
    inclined toward me,
And his arm lay lightly around my breast—and that night
    I was happy.
    —Walt Whitman

Excerpt from “When I Heard at the Close of Day” from Leaves of Grass

I met my first lover the day I arrived in New Delhi in 1972. I had just turned nineteen, and I had come to India alone on pilgrimage, having been a student of traditional Hindu Tantra for nearly four years by that time. He was standing in a small group of fellow monks, all of them clad in ochre robes, but he stood out from the others, built solid like a wrestler with a boxer’s flattened nose and fierce gaze. When our eyes met briefly, a spark seemed to...

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Kirk Read
June 17, 2009
Category: Dating

Dear Kirk,

I am having trouble being on the internet too much. At first I got online because it made me feel less isolated, but now I feel like I’m online for hours. It’s actually become more isolating for me. I can spend hours not doing much, just going between websites and cruising for sex. I don’t think I’m a sex addict because I’m not even having that much sex. I do a lot of checking email, shopping, looking at a hand full of websites. Sometimes I don’t leave the house for days on end because I’m lost in cyberspace. What can I do?

— Lost in Cyberspace

There’s a great song by Le Tigre called “Get Off the Internet.” The lyrics go “It feels so 80s or early 90s / to be political / where are my friends?” A lot of those friends are trying to figure out how to integrate the new technology into our lives in a way that balances face to face interaction, exercise, sex in three dimensions and our creative practices. Everywhere you look, people are displaying obsessive compulsive behaviors — clicking on “Get Mail” hundreds of times in the space of an hour, looking at their phones, standing in the middle of Safeway scrolling around on their iPhones. We’re definitely in a period of transition.

I just read an interesting book called “Against the Machine,” by Lee Siegel. He talks about how the internet has been heralded as a totally democratic space where everyone has a voice, how it’s revolutionary....

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June 1, 2009
Category: Wellness

I have worked as a mental health counselor for gay men for 24 years both in private practice and in public clinical settings. For the past twelve years I have offered pastoral counseling as part of my role as spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based in traditional Hindu Tantra. What follows is a distillation of decades of experience both personal and professional, during which time I have corresponded with gay men all over the world from whom I have heard essentially the same lament expressed in numerous variations: Why can’t I find a man serious about forming an intimate relationship? I write this with the full understanding that casual sex has been and continues to be a norm in gay society, so I expect some readers will disagree with my characterization of casual sex as a curse. I admit I have participated in this aspect of our gay culture from my very first sexual experience 34 years ago, though always with reservations, if not always with restraint.  I believe my considerable experience over the past decades qualifies me to share my observations and judgments about what I have found to be the net negative aspects of casual sex despite the inherent pleasures of sex, about which there is nearly universal agreement. I ask only that the reader consider my points carefully before forming any conclusions.

First off, I think that sex, which is an inherently intimate act, can never be entirely casual. By this I mean that sex involves a comingling of physical, emotional, and...

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