Daddy Dealbreakers

March 5, 2019

We've all got 'em. Whether it's ear hair or baby talk, dealbreakers have become a necessary part of navigating the world of dating. But when should they come into play? Maybe you have friends that date with Seinfeldian levels of dealbreakers and run at the first sign of something they don't like. But everyone deserves a fair chance and even things that we think we have a hardline on can shift when you get to know someone. The question becomes: When you do have a hardline, and you're having a good time with someone, when is the right time to bring up potential roadblocks?

Honesty is great and severely needed in any stage of a relationship, but in many cases timing is key. By definition, a dealbreaker requires calling the whole thing off. But it's never really that simple. For instance, what if the supposed dealbreaker is something that can be tweaked, changed, or brought to their attention? We're not advocating trying to change someone, because in most cases you will fail, but what if communicating your position could make them rethink their behavior? In some cases, the relationship may be more important than what's breaking the deal. We ask all these questions because there are times when being confident and swift in the choices you make can you help you cut out some of the bullshit inherent to dating. It can also make us miss out on something truly life changing when we're quick to judge and decide (especially in the world of online dating). At the end of the day, which should win out?

It seems to boil down to having an open heart and mind or being strong-willed and focused. The former can leave you vulnerable and susceptible to hurt and the latter closed off for the sake of self-preservation. Finding a balance between the two seems like our best bet, even if it's hard to come by.

When it comes to dating what are some of your dealbreakers? And if so, what have your experience with them taught you?

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Comments

You spoke my mind. Literally.

The article seems to assume the guys know little about one another as they start (on line) dating. But one of the keys of on line dating is the ability to craft a descriptive profile telling the reader about yourself. Likes, dislikes, potential things in common, and dealbreakers. A well-crafted bio is not written to exclude, but to attract. By the first date, the basics should be understood and the nuances of compromise can come into it if there is enough initial attraction on both sides to want to continue.

As a Daddy living rurally, I meet young men who have little experience with this, but even then they know their minds. A few good talks before the first meeting, exhibiting the honesty the article recognizes as necessary, should eliminate worries over dealbreaker surprises.

Personally, I avoid profiles with "About Me" sections that are either empty or have something like, "Ask me."

For me it's things like omitting information in order to make yourself look better in the eyes of a potential boyfriend/husband. Lying, that's an obvious one, and leaving things out deliberately, well, it's still lying by omission.
Desperation, that's another one. We do crazy, stupid things when we're in that head-space.
Needy, in general, is a dealbreaker. We've all been there before, but if you haven't, it will happen eventually.
Too many skeletons in the closet, obviously, would be an issue. Again, we've all got them, at least a couple; taking responsibility and owning it are the right things to do.
Politics. Religion. Those are both very personal, touchy subjects in which we engage, and step very lightly, but both can be dealbreakers.
I think, too, that sometimes we make too much out of nothing: squeezing the toothpaste or rolling the tube; toilet paper roll over or under, which side of the bed we sleep on... you get the idea.
Life is icky, and messy and sticky. Falling in love is amazing; there's nothing like it.
Compromise where and when you can.
Oh, and progress not perfection!

Undestanding this principle, I endeavor to get as many 'deal-breakers' out in the open ASAP, beginning with my online profiles... I actually *do* try to disuade as many people as is feasible from contacting me if they're perturbed by anything they find in my profile... Perhaps I'm naive to assume that potential suitors will actually read my honest profile or assume that it's genuine? I only want to be with people who want to be with the person that I am, so I present it as forthrightly as I can. I wish more guys would follow suit... But you have to have an 'abundance mentality' to believe in the process (which I also find attractive in a potential playmate/date). Good luck everyone!