Gay Daddy & Bear Blog: Age Appropriate

Frank Strona
November 18, 2008
Category: Sexuality

Hi Guys, I'm a San Francisco Bay Area local who wears many hats in my pursuit to improve, educate and promote gay men's health and sex. Some of my activities include being a writer, educator, trainer and even a sex and fetish mentor when the occasion arises. But my focus is almost always on improving sexual expression in all forms. I've worked on workshops on a wide range of topics including SM/fetish burnout to substance use and recovery to watersports and enema play.

A big part of my national and international work is presenting workshops on the importance of more and better information on improving sexuality, risk reduction, and HIV education. I have specialized in customized programs dealing with SM relationships, theory, and techniques to men and women one-on-one, in couples, and in groups.

Look for my articles to cover a wide range of sexual topics. Shedding light on topics like intimacy, breaking taboos and fear, boundaries, communication, fetishes, dating, sex parties, and monogamy. My BDSM specialties include cutting, edge play, temporary and permanent piercing and breaking taboos.

Some of my past achievements include stints as Coordinating Editor for Boston's Gay Community News, former Associate Publisher for Bear and Powerplay Magazines, former Director of Marketing for Drummer Magazine and Desmodus Publications, and Sex Educator for the Harvey Milk Institute and the Learning Annex....

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Chris Turner
November 17, 2008
Category: Politics

This past Friday, police had to come between Christianists who were preaching on the corner of Castro and 18th and a group of angry locals. Here's an excerpt from a KTVU story-

In San Francisco's Castro District, people on both sides of the same-sex marriage controversy confronted each other on Friday night, as police tried to keep the peace. Proposition 8 passed in a close vote and eliminated the right of same-sex couples to marry.

Members of the gay community said that almost every Friday night, a Christian group meets at the corner of Castro and 18th Streets. They try to convert gays and lesbians into a straight lifestyle. This Friday night, the message didn't go over well. Some gays and lesbians reacted by trying to chase the group out of the Castro."Their rights were respected," said Joe Schmitz, an opponent of Prop 8. "They got a chance to go ahead and pray on the sidewalk and I had the opportunity to express my freedom of speech which is telling them to get out of my neighborhood. "San Francisco Police officers in riot gear formed a line and escorted the religious group into a van to safely get them out of the area. Members of the gay community insisted that their reaction to the Christian group was spontaneous. "It was not an organized thing. We're tired of it. It's not religious. It's not a racial thing. It's about hate. We're trying to send a message across the world that we're standing up and we don't want this...

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Kirk Read
November 17, 2008
Category: Relationships

Dear Kirk,

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. He is 23 and I am 48. I’m a college professor and he works at Costco as a re-stocker. I make about three times what he makes. I often end up paying for dinners out and recently paid for a weekend vacation. I want him to finish college and get a better job but he hates school and doesn’t want to do it. We are talking about him moving in to my house, so I need to set some boundaries about money and don’t know where to start. 

Dear Sugar Free Daddy,

Money is powerful, powerful stuff. I think of it like an open flame – it can be harnessed to cook your meals and keep you warm, but it can also burn the shit out of you. Anxiety about money has derailed millions of relationships.

It sounds like you guys are just getting to know each other. You’re working with a number of potent differences: age, financial status, educational background and probably a bunch of others. Tread lightly and always keep in mind what brought you together in the first place.

This is sensitive turf and it requires an enormous amount of communication. My partner and I live together. We split our bills down the middle, even though he makes more money than I do. Because of my stubborn pride and my history as a sex worker, it’s important to me that we approach our finances...

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Chris Turner
November 15, 2008
Category: Politics

We had an impromptu sign making party at our house this morning before we headed over to City Hall.

The jointheimpact.com protests against prop 8 today had huge turnouts. There were protests in all 50 states and 10 countries. I haven't heard the official numbers for San Francisco, but we were in the tens of thousands. The estimate for the LA rally is 30-40,000 people.

We had an impromptu sign making party at our house this morning before we headed over to City Hall.

Then we headed downtown with our friends.

Our friend Eric Smith took this photo of me and my husband Armistead.

This had to be my favorite sign of the day... although there were many great ones.

It felt wonderful to be out with our friends and community speaking out for our rights. No matter what they do, they can't take our love away.

Chris Turner
November 15, 2008
Category: Politics

Prop 8 has been huge in the news this week and celebrities have been raising their voices to speak out against this blatant violation of civil rights. Keith Olbermann has the best response that I've seen to date-

Ellen reads a great quote by sexy daddy George Clooney-

Christina Aguilera speak out on MTV-

...

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Kirk Read
November 14, 2008
Category: Dating

I first met Daddyhunt.com founder Chris Turner at a Billy Club gathering. The Billy Club is a group of gay and bisexual men who go on long weekend retreats in Northern California. Chris and I were both in our late 20s in a social group that was predominantly men aged 35-65. We were both in hog heaven, the youngest guys in the room, soaking up the attention of older men that we were both so hungry for.

We didn’t get to know each other really well at the time, because we were both so busy hunting for daddy energy. Seven years later, we reconnected and discussed the possibility of me writing a column for daddyhunt. An advice column. Miss Manners and Emily Post are some of my heroes, so I was game.

But there’s something deeply presumptuous about an advice column. Who the hell are you and who do you think you are to be telling me what to do? That’s a fair question. The American media is so chock full of whack jobs and self-appointed experts that we really ought to be more skeptical about where we find guidance. I don’t claim to be any sort of mental health professional. The only letters after my name are MFA, which arguably could stand for Mother Fuckin’ Attitude. Actually, it’s a master of fine arts, which doesn’t really qualify you to DO anything other than wait tables or work retail while you make art — it certainly doesn’t prepare you to dole out psychological...

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M. Christian
November 14, 2008
Category: Politics

The buzz from the energy and excitement of millions of new (and old) voters getting involved in the historic election of Barack Obama has barely receded and already that new found empowerment is finding its way to new uses. Hundreds of thousands of people are expected to join in simultaneous protests of Proposition 8 this Saturday, November 15 in every state in the Union. It’s all being organized by http://jointheimpact.com. Go now to see where it’s happening in your state.

We’d all love to win the battle of basic human rights while singing a happy tune and joining hands but, let’s face it, being pissed-off is what’s going to make it finally happen. If we want to get what we all deserve, it’s going to take a fight. Luckily that’s just what’s been happening: from the forced resignation of the idiot who donated a grand to the Yes on 8 campaign (http://www.americablog.com/2008/11/scott-eckern-resigns-from-california....) – while working for the California Musical Theatre, no less – to a move to get the Mormon Church’s tax exemption pulled (...

November 11, 2008
Category: Health

”Aging is not for sissies,“ said Bette Davis.

As I approach my 55th birthday, I can relate more and more to her sentiment with each passing year. However, it is helpful to remember that age by itself is not a disease.  It's not something to be feared or avoided. I have known men in their 60s in better shape than men in their 20s.

While aging is a natural part of spending time on this planet, keeping fit and healthy into our mature years is to some degree a choice. Time and again I’ve heard much younger men tell me how attractive they find an older man who takes care of himself. (I personally find men who take care of themselves at any age more attractive than men who neglect their health, but I certainly understand how a man with the experience and knowledge that maturity can bring is even more appealing when he’s physically fit.)

It is important both for our own personal wellbeing as well as for our social and sexual lives to keep our aging bodies healthy and fit. But it is not always clear just how to do this safely as we come to realize that older bodies require some special care to maximize our fitness gains without risking injuries that can interrupt training, not to speak of other enjoyable activities.

Physical fitness at any age consists of three chief components, strength, flexibility, and endurance. A complete fitness program will include workouts that target each of these areas of fitness along with a...

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R. Jackson
November 11, 2008
Category: Gay Culture

I admit it, I’m queer. Gay. Bi. Homo. I’ve been all those and much more. I’ve even been happily, non-masturbatorily celibate for a year in my early twenties. But for just over four years now (our anniversary was October 10), I’ve been in a gay marriage. Queer marriage. Bi/gay marriage. Same-sex marriage.

Whatever you call it, I’m proud to admit that my marriage is by most standards unconventional. Two professional middle-aged Daddybears with two geriatric mutts who live in a house on a corner. We pay taxes, we volunteer, we always vote, we’re good neighbors. We were born in this country, and lived here all our lives.

So, other than the fact that we’re both dudes, in all other ways our married life is conventional. But our unconventionality is no reason my spouse and I should be denied the same civil marriage rights granted to the unmarried cross-sex couple who live next door. Why are they considered more worthy of civil marriage rights than our family?

As my husbear and I have been learning for nearly four years now, married life in a same-sex relationship is amazingly fulfilling.

Had it been possible 30 years ago that I could marry the man of my dreams, I would have. But many of us thought that, since gay/bi men were supposed to act like mansluts and fuck multiple partners, why would we want to settle down and get married?

So because society tells us that we’re...

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Frank Strona
November 11, 2008
Category: Dating

Having used the internet as a way to meet new friends and sex partners for well over 10 years, every so often I have to step back and wonder… is it worth the amount of time it eats up?

But to answer that – I have to do some serious thinking about my role and my understanding of “needs” and “wants.”

One of the first questions I routinely ask myself when I log-in is “why?” Why am I online and what am I looking for? Is it about the search for love, friendship, understanding? Or more base level and seedy, talking about doing some young stud in the alley?

Don’t get me wrong, all of these are viable things to be using the internet for – the secret is to understand what it is that I want in those moments.  It’s that age-old battle in our search for the magical balance between momentary “lust” and lasting “warm fuzzies.”

Of course, when I’m not getting the hits I want or the kind of responses I expect, I have a few tricks that focus me back to the present.

First, I start off with a reality wake-up call. How honest am I being? Is what I’m writing matching who I am in the moment? Are my pictures and profiles updated? We all get stuck with the one picture we want to use over the more recent, but less flattering ones we have. I re-read my profile. When I read my words, are they reflecting the desires of who I am still? We change daily and so do our wants and needs.

So then I need to look at my “me, me, me place”. We all go...

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