Gay Daddy & Bear Blog: Age Appropriate

Kirk Read
November 14, 2008
Category: Dating

I first met founder Chris Turner at a Billy Club gathering. The Billy Club is a group of gay and bisexual men who go on long weekend retreats in Northern California. Chris and I were both in our late 20s in a social group that was predominantly men aged 35-65. We were both in hog heaven, the youngest guys in the room, soaking up the attention of older men that we were both so hungry for.

We didn’t get to know each other really well at the time, because we were both so busy hunting for daddy energy. Seven years later, we reconnected and discussed the possibility of me writing a column for daddyhunt. An advice column. Miss Manners and Emily Post are some of my heroes, so I was game.

But there’s something deeply presumptuous about an advice column. Who the hell are you and who do you think you are to be telling me what to do? That’s a fair question. The American media is so chock full of whack jobs and self-appointed experts that we really ought to be more skeptical about where we find guidance. I don’t claim to be any sort of mental health professional. The only letters after my name are MFA, which arguably could stand for Mother Fuckin’ Attitude. Actually, it’s a master of fine arts, which doesn’t really qualify you to DO anything other than wait tables or work retail while you make art — it certainly doesn’t prepare you to dole out psychological...

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M. Christian
November 14, 2008
Category: Politics

The buzz from the energy and excitement of millions of new (and old) voters getting involved in the historic election of Barack Obama has barely receded and already that new found empowerment is finding its way to new uses. Hundreds of thousands of people are expected to join in simultaneous protests of Proposition 8 this Saturday, November 15 in every state in the Union. It’s all being organized by Go now to see where it’s happening in your state.

We’d all love to win the battle of basic human rights while singing a happy tune and joining hands but, let’s face it, being pissed-off is what’s going to make it finally happen. If we want to get what we all deserve, it’s going to take a fight. Luckily that’s just what’s been happening: from the forced resignation of the idiot who donated a grand to the Yes on 8 campaign ( – while working for the California Musical Theatre, no less – to a move to get the Mormon Church’s tax exemption pulled (...

November 11, 2008
Category: Health

”Aging is not for sissies,“ said Bette Davis.

As I approach my 55th birthday, I can relate more and more to her sentiment with each passing year. However, it is helpful to remember that age by itself is not a disease.  It's not something to be feared or avoided. I have known men in their 60s in better shape than men in their 20s.

While aging is a natural part of spending time on this planet, keeping fit and healthy into our mature years is to some degree a choice. Time and again I’ve heard much younger men tell me how attractive they find an older man who takes care of himself. (I personally find men who take care of themselves at any age more attractive than men who neglect their health, but I certainly understand how a man with the experience and knowledge that maturity can bring is even more appealing when he’s physically fit.)

It is important both for our own personal wellbeing as well as for our social and sexual lives to keep our aging bodies healthy and fit. But it is not always clear just how to do this safely as we come to realize that older bodies require some special care to maximize our fitness gains without risking injuries that can interrupt training, not to speak of other enjoyable activities.

Physical fitness at any age consists of three chief components, strength, flexibility, and endurance. A complete fitness program will include workouts that target each of these areas of fitness along with a...

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R. Jackson
November 11, 2008
Category: Gay Culture

I admit it, I’m queer. Gay. Bi. Homo. I’ve been all those and much more. I’ve even been happily, non-masturbatorily celibate for a year in my early twenties. But for just over four years now (our anniversary was October 10), I’ve been in a gay marriage. Queer marriage. Bi/gay marriage. Same-sex marriage.

Whatever you call it, I’m proud to admit that my marriage is by most standards unconventional. Two professional middle-aged Daddybears with two geriatric mutts who live in a house on a corner. We pay taxes, we volunteer, we always vote, we’re good neighbors. We were born in this country, and lived here all our lives.

So, other than the fact that we’re both dudes, in all other ways our married life is conventional. But our unconventionality is no reason my spouse and I should be denied the same civil marriage rights granted to the unmarried cross-sex couple who live next door. Why are they considered more worthy of civil marriage rights than our family?

As my husbear and I have been learning for nearly four years now, married life in a same-sex relationship is amazingly fulfilling.

Had it been possible 30 years ago that I could marry the man of my dreams, I would have. But many of us thought that, since gay/bi men were supposed to act like mansluts and fuck multiple partners, why would we want to settle down and get married?

So because society tells us that we’re...

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Frank Strona
November 11, 2008
Category: Dating

Having used the internet as a way to meet new friends and sex partners for well over 10 years, every so often I have to step back and wonder… is it worth the amount of time it eats up?

But to answer that – I have to do some serious thinking about my role and my understanding of “needs” and “wants.”

One of the first questions I routinely ask myself when I log-in is “why?” Why am I online and what am I looking for? Is it about the search for love, friendship, understanding? Or more base level and seedy, talking about doing some young stud in the alley?

Don’t get me wrong, all of these are viable things to be using the internet for – the secret is to understand what it is that I want in those moments.  It’s that age-old battle in our search for the magical balance between momentary “lust” and lasting “warm fuzzies.”

Of course, when I’m not getting the hits I want or the kind of responses I expect, I have a few tricks that focus me back to the present.

First, I start off with a reality wake-up call. How honest am I being? Is what I’m writing matching who I am in the moment? Are my pictures and profiles updated? We all get stuck with the one picture we want to use over the more recent, but less flattering ones we have. I re-read my profile. When I read my words, are they reflecting the desires of who I am still? We change daily and so do our wants and needs.

So then I need to look at my “me, me, me place”. We all go...

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Walter Smith
November 10, 2008
Category: Entertainment

In the mid-1970s there were no gay divisions at publishing houses and no “gay lit” courses taught at colleges and Universities. But mention the name of Christopher Isherwood to those who were around then and chances are you’ll hear what a brilliant writer -- and what an inspiring example -- he was. This was the man who had written “Berlin Stories”, on which the musical “Cabaret” was based, as well as many other novels, plays, and screenplays. In the final paragraph of his 1976 memoir, “Christopher and His Kind,” which covers his experiences from 1929 through 1939, Isherwood writes that he would eventually find “the ideal companion to whom you can reveal yourself totally and yet be loved for what you are, not what you pretend to be.”

That companion, for Isherwood, was Don Bachardy, and their 33-year relationship ended only with Isherwood’s death in 1985. The two met on the beach at Santa Monica in 1953, when Isherwood was 48 and Bachardy only 18. They were the first -- and for many years the only -- openly gay couple among the Hollywood elite. In the years...

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Chris Turner
September 29, 2008
Category: Site News

The following article was originally published in the San Francisco Chronicle. After taking out some bus shelter ads for DaddyHunt, Justin Berton contacted me about doing a feature story on the site. The article was in the style section of the Chronicle on Sunday, June 17, 2007. I was more than a little thrilled at the interview request and the chance to hold forth on my philosophy about the attractiveness of older men.

Five Questions for Christopher Turner

by Justin Berton

Shortly after Christopher Turner started his Web site in 2002, a hot older male approached him while walking on 18th Street in the Castro district. The man said he recognized Turner from his online profile; he'd even printed out a photograph of the Internet entrepreneur. "Apparently he didn't post his picture because he was too darn shy about the whole thing," Turner, 35, recalled. The admirer was novelist and screenwriter Armistead Maupin, Turner's senior by 27 years. The two got to talking and have been a couple ever since. In February, they married.

Turner started his second site,, a personals service that pairs men older than 40 with younger guys, because he knew there was a market for "intergenerational relationships." ( caters to those with more hard-core tastes.) Four years after its founding, the site hosts 100,000 members and draws 35,000 visitors per...

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R. Jackson
September 15, 2008
Category: Gay Culture

My usual tip for friends visiting New Orleans is: Never drink anything named after a natural disaster. Now I would add this friendly bit of advice: The best way to encounter a hurricane … is from a distance.

Evading Hurricane Gustav by a day, the husbear and I arrived back home late Sunday afternoon on Labor Day weekend, returning early from our holiday trip to New Orleans for Southern Decadence 2008.

We were two of nearly two million people evacuated in the Gulf region, and two of several hundred daddies, bears, leathermen, and other homomasculine guys and hunters whose “decadent” plans were dramatically altered by the prospect of a hurricane directly hitting the city — not the kind of blowjob savored by the thousands of queer men partying on Bourbon Street over the long weekend.

Queer or not, NOLA residents and tourists alike were keenly aware that Southern Decadence was cancelled during Hurricane Katrina three years ago.

Major gay/bi men’s events scheduled during the weekend were interrupted, including Bear Decadence, a fundraiser hosted by the New Orleans Bear and Bear Trapper Social Club (NOBBTSC). Fortunately, the parties start Wednesday, and like us, dozens of other butch homos came early enough to enjoy a couple of decadent days before flying out by Sunday 6pm, when the airport would shut down.

We arrived in N’awlins Wednesday afternoon, staying at the charming Frenchmen Hotel, located...

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